I was at the Little Big Horn when Custer ended his career
He died with his IPOD on, three arrows in his chest
A reporter from Fox News was embedded with the rest

I was in the car with JFK when his cell phone rang
Marilyn was upset — about a Sixty Minutes story
Dick Cheney smiled, from inside the Book Depository

I was in bed with Anne Frank when she was arrested
Men from Blackwater kicked down the wooden door
As we screamed in terror, they threw us to the floor

I was onboard the Lusitania when it hit an IED
Princess Diana told me the Empire
Had fulfilled its destiny

I was drunk with Bin Laden, Mussolini struck a pose
When a lap dancer waved a silver spoon
Beneath Mr. Bush’s nose

Hitler loved viagra
Although Pfizer urged moderation
A thousand year erection was too much of a temptation

I was with Ann Coulter at a brothel in Kabul
We argued women’s rights
As Prince Harry played the fool

I was wandering Titanic looking for some ice
When we were boarded by Somalis
Not once – but twice

I was with Nietzsche when he spoke of feeling blue
He died of AIDS a short time later
But the news said it was Swine Flu…